Bountiful Season, Bountiful Thoughts

Happy day after (to those who celebrated Christmas yesterday)! I hope it was rich in heart, mind and spirit (even if it was challenging or stressful at times). And wishing everyone a fruitful, sparkling, New Year!

In a feature article by the amazing www.TrulyB.com’s Kati Neal Verberg last month, I was asked what the the word Bountiful meant to me.  This, the season of giving, brings bounty to mind again, as we have given and received…. and it is, a thing of beauty!

Today, the day after bountiful and nourishing time with my family, I give you food for thought…or, simply, my thoughts on the true nature of bounty:

“In my mind, Bounty is not external or material. Bounty is cultivated from within and when it flows out, it spills over into what we have to give. That is genuine generosity of spirit. What we get in return, however, is a byproduct of the richness within us. It’s not the ends or the means: giving is at the center of both sides of Bounty. The giver and receiver both receive a blessing: whether we perceive it, or accept it as such depends on us. How bountiful we feel depends on us.”

What does bounty mean to you? How are, or can you be, more bountiful today and in the coming year?

What’s in a Role Model?

Mentoring the Beautiful, Brilliant, True Story Project Ladies, on the last day of the semester….

Forgive my hiatus, it’s been a time of incredible growth in joys and mourning, death and rebirth. In the last month, I have lost two luminaries very close to me; two unassuming role models in my life (tributes forthcoming). One of them, a fortress of strength, wisdom, and honest hard work, my grandmother: T.S. Yang.

At the very same time, I blissfully mentored the amazing young ladies at the Young Women’s Program at Initiative for Women with Disabilities, supporting them in raising their voices and writing their own personal stories for Visible Theatre’s True Story Project: I AM HEARD. Together, we shared love, struggle and the contents of our hearts. These shining young girls (above) were so brave, vulnerable, authentic, and fiercely honest this semester,  that they have become young role models to me.

With my cause and the IWD ladies’ in mind, I decided to consult each of them, asking: “What, to you, makes an ideal role model?” I was blown away by the wisdom and real humanity in their role modeling standards. Here’s a list from one of the IWD girls, that encompassed their collective vision of an ideal role model:

1. Someone who gives back to others what they have learned.
2. Someone who realized and has learned from their mistakes.
3. Someone who you can relate to on a non-superficial level.
4. Someone who inspires you to do better.
5. Someone who you would like to borrow attributes or attitudes from.
6. Someone who is not perfect, and who realizes they have faults.
7. Someone who doesn’t try to be someone else.

Those of you who have seen my YouTube video, may recall that I say: “I used to think that to be a role model you had to be perfect, or at the very least, always say the right thing, but I realize maybe it’s enough to just be honest.” This personal truth took me YEARS and countless mistakes and disappointments to discover, and yet, these amazing  young ladies had it all figured out! I was so encouraged to know that they wanted role models with a healthy dose of human imperfection – that’s the only kind of role model I could ever be.

Even knowing that I have a cause, a purpose, and gifts, I have had many moments of doubt, feeling ill-prepared for the path I have already begun to tread: wary of my ability to handle my seemingly weighty role as role model. With their wisdom, these young women lifted the burden and mentored me instead.  I will keep these guidelines with me as I aspire to inspire, to be a blissfully imperfect person people can learn from,  and as I let go of very old, very useless habits: perfectionism and self-doubt.

What makes a great role model to you? In what ways are you a role model to someone?

A Thing of Beauty: Rethinking Failure and Perfection: Part 1

After my last post,  I wanted to explain what I meant when I said that “As long as we live, perfection and failure don’t really exist.” It’s a bold statement that as real and as true as it seems to me, deserves further elaboration. In divine timing, my beloved friends at Positively Positive (a facebook community of inspiration and encouragement throughout the day: http://www.facebook.com/#!/positivelypositive) posted a timely quotation: “Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” – Mary Tyler Moore

While I stand by my statement that failure doesn’t really exist,  I agree with the above as the “failure” that Mary Tyler Moore is talking about is temporary: a means to an end that we cannot yet see.  We often take that lost job, lost love or that horrible feeling of rejection as an indication of more – that we are unworthy, unlovable, ineffective, useless, unsexy.
Yet, after 10 months as a telemarketer in 2009 (where rejection is 95% of your day), I realized something: rejection and mistakes are not failure, and more often than not, it’s not personal. As long as we keep living, even if it feels like we’re just breathing, we cannot fail at life. We may give up for a time (but how, and how long, depends on us).  And it usually comes from the inability to see long-term hope, in the face of short-term or repeated disappointment.

As long as we live on earth, perfection will elude us, by virtue of mortality and the human condition, but perhaps it is those very  “failures,” rejections and closed doors that perfect us?

Take Note, My Beauties: Anything is Possible!

When I was a year old, I was diagnosed with minor Cerebral Palsy. Practical considerations aside, I never felt limited. Even the practical things were doable – it just took time. My parents always made me feel anything was possible. When I wanted to be a ballerina, they got me a ballerina costume for halloween. Looking back, it amazes me that they took that open approach.

I felt beautiful as a child. I was so happy to be here in the world, and I KNEW that anything was possible!

We tend to do destructive things when we don’t feel our own beauty. Starving ourselves, sucking and tucking, even cutting. Not only in action and the treatment of our bodies, but in mindset. We cut ourselves down everyday.

Sometime during puberty, I lost my sense of personal beauty, not at all because of my disability, but because I could see beauty in others and had trouble acknowledging the beauty in myself. For a long time, I was barely aware I lived in a body. I shied away compliments and buried my gifts. I told myself I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t beautiful. We lie to ourselves all the time. The trick is to recognize the lie and nip it in the bud. For me, my freedom as an adult came from a conscious effort to reclaim my mindset as an “anything is possible” child.

I truly believe that as long as we live, perfection and failure don’t really exist: the key is to not give up, or give in to the lies we tell ourselves, or the ones we hear from others. You ARE more than good enough! You ARE SO Beautiful! We must claim the truth of our beauty and gifts so we live more fully, more authentically. Authenticity is far more important than perfection, that’s worth striving for. Beauty comes with it!